girl in the moon by Kyn
Girl in the Moon by Kyn
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Kyn/
Reviewed by m_girl07 @ my sensation
Story Title: 5/5-I love your title and think it’s something really interesting and fits your story perfectly because it’s about a whole new society of people who live on the moon; although, you might want to change “in” to “on” because you can be living on the moon but not in it.
Appearance: 10/10-Your story is extremely organized and I especially loved the way you organized the applications from the actual chapters. The poster is beautiful and the background matches as well.
Forewords: 9/10-Your forewords is great because it gave a very detailed look at what your story was going to be like and how it started off. You also outlined the main characters but I think the one thing you forgot to mention was that your fanfic was one that others could apply to.
Plot: 15/15-I liked the way you put your whole story together because you kept it interesting and built up the tension with them suspecting whether or not she was the princess.
Characterization: 9/10-I think all of your characters were outlined pretty well, mostly because of the applications=p. But you also did it in the story, which was great. The only thing I have to comment on is that I think you have too many characters.
Creativity/Originality: 9/10-How often do you get to read about people who aren’t 100% human=p? Your story is really different from others that I’ve read. The only connection I can make it to something else is “Sailor Moon”; with her being a princess and her having female guardians=).
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10-You have great grammar, one of the best since I started becoming a reviewer a while ago. The only thing you might want to look out for is your use of punctuation; especially commas. You usually forget to put it in places that need one."At the moment she was in her chemistry class, and the room defiantly didn’t look like one." (Chapter 4)-There should be a comma after “moment” and you can remove the one you have there. “Next time we play I’m teaming up with Onew.” (Chapter 6)-There should be a comma after “play”."Key said surveying Onew who had a whole in his sleeve…" (Chapter 6)-there should be a comma after “Onew” and one after “sleeve” to separate the thought.““Yeah, but that the only thing I’ve been feeling. Soo Ae don’t freak out when I tell you this, but…I think I’m starting to like you.” (Chapter 10)-I get what you’re trying to say but the punctuation is a bit off, it should be: “Yeah but that’s the only thing I’ve been feeling. Soo Ae, don’t freak out when I tell you this but…I think I’m starting to like you.”
Flow: 9/10-Like I said before, I like the way you organized everything and everything seems to be pretty constant and steady. Because you have so many characters, it’s hard to give them all time so it does get confusing after awhile.
Writing Style: 15/15-I loved the way you wrote; the way you described things, the words you used, the way you put it together, everything! You have a great writing style, don’t change it=D!
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5-I really did enjoy reading your story, even though it was hard to switch back and forth from one character to another because there were so many to remember=s.
Total : 95/100
Bonus : 5/5-For coming up with something so original and sharing it with me=).
Overall Total: 100/100
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Kyn/
Reviewed by m_girl07 @ my sensation
Story Title: 5/5-I love your title and think it’s something really interesting and fits your story perfectly because it’s about a whole new society of people who live on the moon; although, you might want to change “in” to “on” because you can be living on the moon but not in it.
Appearance: 10/10-Your story is extremely organized and I especially loved the way you organized the applications from the actual chapters. The poster is beautiful and the background matches as well.
Forewords: 9/10-Your forewords is great because it gave a very detailed look at what your story was going to be like and how it started off. You also outlined the main characters but I think the one thing you forgot to mention was that your fanfic was one that others could apply to.
Plot: 15/15-I liked the way you put your whole story together because you kept it interesting and built up the tension with them suspecting whether or not she was the princess.
Characterization: 9/10-I think all of your characters were outlined pretty well, mostly because of the applications=p. But you also did it in the story, which was great. The only thing I have to comment on is that I think you have too many characters.
Creativity/Originality: 9/10-How often do you get to read about people who aren’t 100% human=p? Your story is really different from others that I’ve read. The only connection I can make it to something else is “Sailor Moon”; with her being a princess and her having female guardians=).
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10-You have great grammar, one of the best since I started becoming a reviewer a while ago. The only thing you might want to look out for is your use of punctuation; especially commas. You usually forget to put it in places that need one."At the moment she was in her chemistry class, and the room defiantly didn’t look like one." (Chapter 4)-There should be a comma after “moment” and you can remove the one you have there. “Next time we play I’m teaming up with Onew.” (Chapter 6)-There should be a comma after “play”."Key said surveying Onew who had a whole in his sleeve…" (Chapter 6)-there should be a comma after “Onew” and one after “sleeve” to separate the thought.““Yeah, but that the only thing I’ve been feeling. Soo Ae don’t freak out when I tell you this, but…I think I’m starting to like you.” (Chapter 10)-I get what you’re trying to say but the punctuation is a bit off, it should be: “Yeah but that’s the only thing I’ve been feeling. Soo Ae, don’t freak out when I tell you this but…I think I’m starting to like you.”
Flow: 9/10-Like I said before, I like the way you organized everything and everything seems to be pretty constant and steady. Because you have so many characters, it’s hard to give them all time so it does get confusing after awhile.
Writing Style: 15/15-I loved the way you wrote; the way you described things, the words you used, the way you put it together, everything! You have a great writing style, don’t change it=D!
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5-I really did enjoy reading your story, even though it was hard to switch back and forth from one character to another because there were so many to remember=s.
Total : 95/100
Bonus : 5/5-For coming up with something so original and sharing it with me=).
Overall Total: 100/100
posted by my sensation at
7:42 PM
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