Like a mocking bird

Title: Like A Mockingbird
Author: BoBoLi0us
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/_mockingbird/
Reviewer: kawaii_love @ My Sensation

by BoBoLi0us

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 4/5

The title was very artistic. It really did catch my attention because it gave me a poetic feel. It allured me.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 8/10

The poster is very well made. It first made me wonder about the whole entire plot. Then I noticed the background. I think there’s words there xD. I couldn’t understand it though, because it was smudge? It was a good idea, but maybe next time if you want the words to be there, make them a bit bigger? You could have also just put a picture of a mockingbird in the background? Just like the one in your poster that fades away? Just saying :x.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 9/10

Beautiful. I really liked it. It was a great idea of putting dear diary. However, it would have been great without the dear diary just as well. It would have just been an excerpt from Christina’s mind. But it’s good the way it is too. Then, I read the rest of the story and I was like, it’s perfect the way it is. I’m glad its in the diary form.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 12/15

Wonderfully written. There were only a few parts of your main idea that was a bit cliché. But, I really wouldn’t have asked for it to be any other way. Then again, we author’s know how hard it is to write an original love story these days. I also wrote a connection from past lovers to present lovers just like your one-shot. xD. So it was quite interesting for me to read from yours.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 9/10

I learned enough about Heo Soomi and Christina. They were characterized perfectly. Key and Kibum, I wouldn’t have asked for them to be characterized any more than you have already done. It would have ruined the story. But, I was hoping to learn more about the brother, so I would have a greater reaction to Christina’s death. This way I would have a firm grasp on his reaction to her death.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 8/10

Like I said before, it’s hard to write an original love story. But, thankfully you tried hard. I have to admit that your story was very creative. It gave me chills and made me think about love. Which is usually what an author wants their readers to do, they want them to ponder.

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 8.5/10

Here are some mistakes from your first chapter only. Your original sentences are going to be after Such as: and the sentences that I’ve corrected are after It should be: and Or:

You missed punctuation marks.

Such as: The streets were dirty, and people traveled on carriages pulled by horses.

It should be: The streets were dirty, and people traveled on carriages, pulled by horses.

Or: The streets were dirty, and people traveled on carriages that were pulled by horses. (You could have just added a few words).

You used the wrong words.

Such as: Christina sighed and looked out of her window, taking in the beautiful scenery of the Boston country side and thought back to her dream.

It should be: Christina sighed and looked out of her window, taking in the beautiful scenery of the Boston country side and thought about her dream again.

You used the wrong tense.

Such as: Her whole family was here, and she never thought there’s much fun in exploring some descent of hers.

It should be: Her whole family was here and she never thought there was much fun in exploring some past of hers.

You use pronouns in a confusing way. Who is the he that you are mentioning.

Such as: How the hell did her brother know things were rocky with him?

It should be: How the hell did her brother know things were rocky with her boyfriend?

You forgot to capitalize some words.

Such as: Her heart was beating furiously and she wondered if key could hear her heart pound.

It should be: Her heart was beating furiously and she wondered if Key could hear it pound.

(You should also avoid repetitive words. ‘Her heart’).

There were not many mistakes. Thankfully the few mistakes that you did make, didn’t distract me from the plot of the story.

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 9.5/10

It had a great flow for a one-shot.

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 15/15

I really enjoyed your writing style. As I mentioned before in one of your other one-shots.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 5/5

It was a beautifully written angst love story.

`Total : 88/100

`Bonus : 5/5

These bonus points are for making me think about the your work even after I have finished reading it.

Overall Total: 93/100

Highest I’ve ever given. :]