This song
Title: This Song by
Author: BoBoLi0us
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BEEZYOO4
Reviewer: kawaii_love @ My Sensation
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 3.5/5
The title was interesting. But its one of those titles that doesn’t really catch my attention.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 7/10
Your poster is very nice. I liked the emotions that were portrayed in Jaebum and Heo Soomi’s face. However, you know the spot that Taecyeon belongs in? I barely saw him. I didn’t know that was him until I actually examined the poster. I think if you’re going to hide his face, you should’ve just taken him away from the poster. The background is kind of bland; maybe you should have added a background?
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 8/10
Lovely forewords, it was really good. I really wanted to read more. It was nicely written. It also already gave me a firm grasp of Jaebum’s feelings and the plot.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 13/15
I really enjoyed the plot. It was barely cliché. It was wonderful because it was just that stalker fanfic in the beginning that slowly grew up into a lovely one-sided love story. I loved the fact that she didn’t actually end up with Jaebum in the end. But, it wasn’t entirely perfect.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 8/10
Your characterization is very good. I learned about Jaebum’s personality very well from his thoughts. I also learned a lot about Christina from her blog, which was very clever of you to include. I was hoping to learn more about Taecyeon’s personality. Maybe add a few more about his interactions between Jaebum and him? I don’t know. I’m still satisfied though.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 8/10
It was creative of course. But, I can’t say it was extremely original. But, it was creative and original enough that it captivated my interest.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 7.5/10
Here are some mistakes from your first chapter. Your original sentences are after Such as: and sentences that I’ve corrected for you are after It should be: and Or:
You had wrong word usage.
He wacked himself mentally as he realized he had prepared nothing witty
He wacked himself mentally when he realized that he had prepared nothing witty.
You missed a couple of punctuation marks.
Finally he had something to say.
Finally, he had something to say.
You misplaced words.
Jaebum tried again to start a conversation.
Jaebum tried to start a conversation again.
There was pronoun misuse. I mean you used him twice. It may cause the readers to be mistaken by which him.
Jaebum caught a glimpse of her, and him, when the taxi drove by him.
When the taxi drove past him, Jaebum caught a glimpse of her and her boyfriend.
(You also made a wrong sequence of words in that sentence. This matters because in the sequence you used before, it made the sentence sound awkward.)
You didn’t use the same tense throughout a sentence.
He knew what he’s doing was wrong, but he can’t help himself.
He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself.
You had missing words.
He scrolled down the page he was looking at silently.
He scrolled down the page that he was looking at silently.
You had misspelled words.
He became inpatient
He became impatient.
It might seem like there was a lot of mistakes in your work. But, don’t worry about that because they were very little. They barely put me off track from reading and enjoying the actual story.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 9/10
Great flow for a one-shot. Thank you for not being so choppy. Thank you for having a good transition. Your writing was one of the only ones with the good flow that I had reviewed for a long time.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 13/15
I really liked your writing style. It’s something I’ve been used to reading. It was well written for me to understand and to enjoy.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 5/5
I really like the story. Great play with Christina’s blog.
`Total : 82/100
`Bonus : 5/5
Thank you for making me enjoy reading Fanfiction again. I sincerely miss Jaebum. xD
Overall Total: 87/100
Author: BoBoLi0us
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BEEZYOO4
Reviewer: kawaii_love @ My Sensation
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 3.5/5
The title was interesting. But its one of those titles that doesn’t really catch my attention.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 7/10
Your poster is very nice. I liked the emotions that were portrayed in Jaebum and Heo Soomi’s face. However, you know the spot that Taecyeon belongs in? I barely saw him. I didn’t know that was him until I actually examined the poster. I think if you’re going to hide his face, you should’ve just taken him away from the poster. The background is kind of bland; maybe you should have added a background?
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 8/10
Lovely forewords, it was really good. I really wanted to read more. It was nicely written. It also already gave me a firm grasp of Jaebum’s feelings and the plot.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 13/15
I really enjoyed the plot. It was barely cliché. It was wonderful because it was just that stalker fanfic in the beginning that slowly grew up into a lovely one-sided love story. I loved the fact that she didn’t actually end up with Jaebum in the end. But, it wasn’t entirely perfect.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 8/10
Your characterization is very good. I learned about Jaebum’s personality very well from his thoughts. I also learned a lot about Christina from her blog, which was very clever of you to include. I was hoping to learn more about Taecyeon’s personality. Maybe add a few more about his interactions between Jaebum and him? I don’t know. I’m still satisfied though.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 8/10
It was creative of course. But, I can’t say it was extremely original. But, it was creative and original enough that it captivated my interest.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 7.5/10
Here are some mistakes from your first chapter. Your original sentences are after Such as: and sentences that I’ve corrected for you are after It should be: and Or:
You had wrong word usage.
He wacked himself mentally as he realized he had prepared nothing witty
He wacked himself mentally when he realized that he had prepared nothing witty.
You missed a couple of punctuation marks.
Finally he had something to say.
Finally, he had something to say.
You misplaced words.
Jaebum tried again to start a conversation.
Jaebum tried to start a conversation again.
There was pronoun misuse. I mean you used him twice. It may cause the readers to be mistaken by which him.
Jaebum caught a glimpse of her, and him, when the taxi drove by him.
When the taxi drove past him, Jaebum caught a glimpse of her and her boyfriend.
(You also made a wrong sequence of words in that sentence. This matters because in the sequence you used before, it made the sentence sound awkward.)
You didn’t use the same tense throughout a sentence.
He knew what he’s doing was wrong, but he can’t help himself.
He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself.
You had missing words.
He scrolled down the page he was looking at silently.
He scrolled down the page that he was looking at silently.
You had misspelled words.
He became inpatient
He became impatient.
It might seem like there was a lot of mistakes in your work. But, don’t worry about that because they were very little. They barely put me off track from reading and enjoying the actual story.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 9/10
Great flow for a one-shot. Thank you for not being so choppy. Thank you for having a good transition. Your writing was one of the only ones with the good flow that I had reviewed for a long time.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 13/15
I really liked your writing style. It’s something I’ve been used to reading. It was well written for me to understand and to enjoy.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 5/5
I really like the story. Great play with Christina’s blog.
`Total : 82/100
`Bonus : 5/5
Thank you for making me enjoy reading Fanfiction again. I sincerely miss Jaebum. xD
Overall Total: 87/100
posted by my sensation at
1:54 PM
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