Crimson Hands

Story Title: Crimson Hands
Author: Serpentine
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/serpente03
Reviewer: GD Babyism

Title: 3/5
Your title put me off at first. I was like.. red hands O.O But as I read more of your story, I understood it better.

Poster/Background: 4/10
There was no poster to judge. It would be better if there was a poster as the reader can relate more. One glance at the poster is enough to tell you about the gist of the story. But I like your color scheme. It matches the mood of your story perfectly.

Forewords: 8/10
I like how you use ‘You’. Not a lot of writers can pull it off but I had no problems with your foreword. The only part I didn’t really like was the hearts you used as a breaker. It sort of didn’t match the dark mood.

Plot: 9/15

Although the forewords were good, the rest of the story was a bit off. Some of the situations you wrote didn’t match your forewords. I expected the whole story to be full of killing and gore.

Creativity/Originality: 9/15

The only thing that really stood out for me in this fic is ‘You’. The plot could use some work though.

Flow: 8/10
Although some parts were a bit rushed, your flow is alright. Adding Lee Teuk in the first few chapters was a bit random though :P

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
No grammar mistakes here. But using a bigger variety of vocabulary would appeal to more readers.

Charaterisation: 7/10
Good but not fantastic. Sorry :D

Writing Style: 7/10
It’s okay, but there were some parts where you used ‘I’ instead of ‘You’. I don’t know if it was deliberate but it confused me. And also this part : You picked up a picture that you placed on your dresser (The picture; had been there for a long time, almost a decade). The sentence in the brackets weren’t really necessary. Most of your bracketed sentences weren’t really needed. I would have preferred if you didn’t use brackets and just use commas.? And also, bear in mind when you use ‘I’ to convey your thoughts, use “_______________” so that it won’t confuse the readers. And I didn’t really fancy the idea of having to fill in the blanks with your own name :X

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Well.. what can I say? A good story, but it could use some work.

Sub-Total: 65/100

Extras: 3/5

Because I can see potential in this story and also because I’m in a super good mood >.<

Total: 68/105