7 Years of Love

Title: 7 Years of Love
Author: Yoon.Z
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sevenyears/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

`Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: -3/5

I would say that the title is suitable and simple. However, I feel that the title is a little too long and not very alluring. It would not be able to catch the attention of readers.

`Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -9/10

I loved the poster. Even though the background was plain, it went well with the poster. The mood and atmosphere of the story was attained with the poster. The colour and pictures chosen for the poster were perfect. The font colour was suitable as well. The only aspect that required improvement would be the font colour for the subtitle and title. Actually, the dark font colour made the words (subtitle and title) hard to read.

`Foreword [did your foreword make me wanting to read more?]: -6.5/10
Very short and simple foreword, but, it is still pretty interesting. However, the fact that you had only included Kyu Hyun’s point of view of his love towards Nicole was insufficient. I think you could have included some snippets of the past memories shared by Kyu Hyun and Nicole when they were younger. Such snippets would act as baits to lure readers into reading more and also lay the fundamentals for a greater heartache when Kyu Hyun kills Nicole because of his deep love for her.

`Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: -10/15.
I have read similar stories before, but I would still say that such a plot is definitely not cliché and is quite interesting. However, the developments in your story are rather predictable. I was waiting for some sudden twists. Somehow, the endings for the stories with these storylines are the same. I was a little disappointed.

`Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: -7/10
I would say that characterisation is insufficient. Even though Nicole and Kyu Hyun are the main two characters, Sung Min’s character is the most obvious and best developed. However, I also understand that to portray characterisation in an one-shot is hard. Do try harder.

`Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]: -6.5/10
The whole story is quite predictable, with little twists.

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]: -7/10

Errors are more than occasional, but, less than frequent. I am glad about that. Your command of English Language is alright and of a certain standard. Note the sudden changes in tenses – such abrupt changes in tenses are deadly mistakes which you should avoid. The only thing you need to improve would be vocabulary.
Some errors that I have found:
[1] Until one day you said you need to leave for the States (Forewords) – It is indirect speech. So, the correct sentence should be, “Until one day you said you needed to leave for the States.”
[2] But Fate bring us together for the last time. (Forewords) – It should have been “But Fate brought us together for the last time”, since your story is written in past tense. Even if it were in present tense, it should have been “Fate brings us…”
[3] It’s unmistakable because he looked the same all those years. – It was unmistakable because he looked the same after all these years.
[4] She began to wonder who it was because she saw none except the furniture’s in the house. – Instead of “none”, the correct word should be “no one”.

`Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: -8.5/10.
Flow was consistent. You had the right pace for describing the developments in the story. However, the whole story seemed to have a reduced and rushed time frame though, most probably because you knew and wanted it to be just an one-shot story and nothing more. (I had this problem; and when I read your fanfic, it occurred to me that you had the same problem. :p)

`Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: -10.5/15
Neat and understandable, readers can understand the story easily and quickly. However, you could have used better paragraphing so as to enhance and deepen the impact on readers upon reading. For example, each line of the song that Kyu Hyun was singing to Nicole could be a paragraph on its own. The part about Nicole sensing Kyu Hyun’s presence would be another part. You could have type “The bed became heavier than usual” as a paragraph on its own. In this way, readers would feel the abrupt heaviness too. The last line of your story was great, really impactful! Bravo for that!

`Overall Enjoyment [did I enjoy this story?]: -3.5/5
I enjoyed reading it but you could have done better. Maybe you could have described Nicole’s surroundings with more details, for example, bringing out the eerie atmosphere with the usually chirping birds keeping dead silent in the forests. In addition, the night sky was more than dark; it seemed as if a black void was swallowing the whole Earth. The winds were blowing strongly and Nicole’s hair was blown into a mess. However, no matter how hard she tried to push her fringes back, they still remained entangled in a mess.

`Total: -71.5/100

`Bonus: -4/5
I love Nicole and Kyu Hyun. =] You definitely have the potential to do better! Deducted the one point because your story was not as satisfying as expected and also the font colour of the title and subtitle was not really visible.

Overall Total: -75.5/105