by your side by: third3ye
Title: By Your Side
Author: th1rd3ye
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/fts_mh_BYS
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -/5
Title was given, so I won’t count any marks for this.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -9/10
I love the overall appearance of your story. The poster gave me a really angelic, relaxed, and carefree feeling. I thought the poster really connected with the story itself because in the poster the girl looks so carefree and relaxed, just how the girl in the story felt after committing suicide and being with MinHwan. The colors blend well with the story. But I took a mark off because the background seems a bit plain.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -7/10
One of the main reasons why I took marks off was because it was too long. When I finished reading the foreword, I thought I had read the entire story. You practically told us the ending. Try to make your forewords a bit shorter, but still as attracting.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -11/15.
Overall, the plot was interesting but simple at the same time. Like other stories, someone kills himself/herself after their loved one dies. Because you told us that EunJae really loved MinHwan, I was able to tell that she wouldn’t be able to live without him. The ending itself was predictable.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -7/10
I could tell that MinHwan and EunJae were deeply in love with each other. But because there weren’t enough information on EunJae’s feelings when MinHwan died, I felt like there was something missing. And you didn’t give a lot of information on JaeJin, since he mostly just appeared in the foreword. I could tell that MinHwan was practically a perfect guy, something that doesn’t happen much in real life.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8/10
The thing that I thought was quite creative was when you used the wind chimes as a way of communicating between the characters.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -8/10
I don’t think I spotted any mistakes in the spelling part. I think you can widen your range for your vocabulary, maybe stick a couple long words just to make it sound more professional.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
Great flow, but I just thought you should have made MinHwan’s death a bit slower. Try to describe how exactly died.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -13/15
Nice writing style, my only recommendation would be to bunch up sentences together to form larger, longer paragraphs.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
`Total : -74/100
(Marks for title are not included.)
`Bonus : -1/5
I’m a fan of MinHwan too.
Overall Total: -75/100
Author: th1rd3ye
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/fts_mh_BYS
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -/5
Title was given, so I won’t count any marks for this.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -9/10
I love the overall appearance of your story. The poster gave me a really angelic, relaxed, and carefree feeling. I thought the poster really connected with the story itself because in the poster the girl looks so carefree and relaxed, just how the girl in the story felt after committing suicide and being with MinHwan. The colors blend well with the story. But I took a mark off because the background seems a bit plain.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -7/10
One of the main reasons why I took marks off was because it was too long. When I finished reading the foreword, I thought I had read the entire story. You practically told us the ending. Try to make your forewords a bit shorter, but still as attracting.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -11/15.
Overall, the plot was interesting but simple at the same time. Like other stories, someone kills himself/herself after their loved one dies. Because you told us that EunJae really loved MinHwan, I was able to tell that she wouldn’t be able to live without him. The ending itself was predictable.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -7/10
I could tell that MinHwan and EunJae were deeply in love with each other. But because there weren’t enough information on EunJae’s feelings when MinHwan died, I felt like there was something missing. And you didn’t give a lot of information on JaeJin, since he mostly just appeared in the foreword. I could tell that MinHwan was practically a perfect guy, something that doesn’t happen much in real life.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8/10
The thing that I thought was quite creative was when you used the wind chimes as a way of communicating between the characters.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -8/10
I don’t think I spotted any mistakes in the spelling part. I think you can widen your range for your vocabulary, maybe stick a couple long words just to make it sound more professional.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
Great flow, but I just thought you should have made MinHwan’s death a bit slower. Try to describe how exactly died.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -13/15
Nice writing style, my only recommendation would be to bunch up sentences together to form larger, longer paragraphs.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
`Total : -74/100
(Marks for title are not included.)
`Bonus : -1/5
I’m a fan of MinHwan too.
Overall Total: -75/100
posted by my sensation at
10:32 AM
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