Forbidden Utopia
Title: Forbidden Utopia
Author: sailorroxy
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Rachel/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -4/5
Just looking at the title, I thought it was attracting my attention. But I don’t know the full meaning of it.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -9/10
This poster definitely caught my attention because there are people who I’m not really familiar with on it. I mean, on winglin, almost all stories are about Asian stars, but yours had Hollywood stars, so it was something new and interesting. And the colors were also really nice.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -8/10
The foreword was really intriguing. It was really interesting and the really end of the foreword got me hooked. I was excited to read what was going to happen. But I found the foreword a bit short.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -13/15.
It was something that I don’t see often because the characters that were used were really new and refreshing for me, so, well done on that.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -6/10
Not all the characters were well described. I was only able to detect the personalities of a few of the characters. I would recommend you adding a bit of information on each character in the foreword.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8/10
It was original and you were quite creative at some parts, though I would recommend you add something really attention grabbing at the beginning to get the readers hooked on for the entire story.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -8/10
I didn’t really find a lot of mistakes in your story. But, in some places, remember to use commas. Also, I found a couple sentences that had tense mistakes. Don’t get mixed up with the present tense and the past tense.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
Since it’s not completed yet, I can’t really say much about it. But the flow wasn’t bad. You were good on the timing.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -12/15
I like your writing style. Your paragraphs aren’t so big that it gets hard to see. But I would recommend you adding one or two more sentences in each paragraph, just so you don’t have so much single sentences. Also, try to make your chapters a bit longer.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
I think it’s because I’m not familiar with your characters, so I wasn’t as interested.
`Total : -79/100
`Bonus : -1/5
For using new and fresh characters.
Overall Total: -80/100
Author: sailorroxy
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Rachel/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -4/5
Just looking at the title, I thought it was attracting my attention. But I don’t know the full meaning of it.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -9/10
This poster definitely caught my attention because there are people who I’m not really familiar with on it. I mean, on winglin, almost all stories are about Asian stars, but yours had Hollywood stars, so it was something new and interesting. And the colors were also really nice.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -8/10
The foreword was really intriguing. It was really interesting and the really end of the foreword got me hooked. I was excited to read what was going to happen. But I found the foreword a bit short.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -13/15.
It was something that I don’t see often because the characters that were used were really new and refreshing for me, so, well done on that.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -6/10
Not all the characters were well described. I was only able to detect the personalities of a few of the characters. I would recommend you adding a bit of information on each character in the foreword.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8/10
It was original and you were quite creative at some parts, though I would recommend you add something really attention grabbing at the beginning to get the readers hooked on for the entire story.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -8/10
I didn’t really find a lot of mistakes in your story. But, in some places, remember to use commas. Also, I found a couple sentences that had tense mistakes. Don’t get mixed up with the present tense and the past tense.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
Since it’s not completed yet, I can’t really say much about it. But the flow wasn’t bad. You were good on the timing.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -12/15
I like your writing style. Your paragraphs aren’t so big that it gets hard to see. But I would recommend you adding one or two more sentences in each paragraph, just so you don’t have so much single sentences. Also, try to make your chapters a bit longer.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
I think it’s because I’m not familiar with your characters, so I wasn’t as interested.
`Total : -79/100
`Bonus : -1/5
For using new and fresh characters.
Overall Total: -80/100
posted by my sensation at
6:33 PM
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