Haters to Lovers
Title: Haters to Lovers
Author: Ateh Tootskiez.....A.K
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/heartbroken24/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -3/5
The title seems to be too cliché and too common. The title seems too simple and too plain. Try to find a title with the same meaning, but sounds deeper.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -4/10
The poster doesn’t stand out at all. The pictures look so stiff and looks as if you just splat it on. Try to blend the lines a bit so that all the pictures become one picture instead of several pictures together. You should use different font color, size, and style for your title. It looks too plain and it does not stand out at all. It’s also bad because you decided to stick it right on the character’s face. Try to put it somewhere where it doesn’t block anyone’s face. The poster itself doesn’t seem to connect or look anything like the poster. You should try to make it so the poster and the background match.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -5/10
Your first foreword tells us, the readers, nothing about what the story will be about. All you did put was that there is a poem. For me, the foreword is the first thing I look at when reading a story. If the foreword is blank, messy, or has nothing in it, I won’t continue reading it. I’ll simply go onto another story. The second forward you put only gave us little information on what was coming up. It wasn’t interesting enough to get the readers hooked on.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -8/15.
It’s basically the same plot from BOF. There were many similar occurrences happening.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -7/10
I couldn’t really distinguish how the characters were like. The only one that I sort of had a clue on was probably the main character.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -5/10
Refer to PLOT.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -7/10
Your spelling isn’t bad. But I would suggest using a wider range of vocabulary. I was able to spot a couple grammar mistakes. Some of the tenses that you used were used in the wrong way.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -6/10.
Since the story is not finished, I can’t really say how it will be like. But so far, the flow seems a bit too fast. The meeting of F4, the relationships they start, and the feelings that are building up. Try to take it a bit slower and let them develop their feelings at a better pace.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -6/15
If you’re writing a story, never use SCRIPT-like writing. Leave those for movies and whatnot. For stories, you should write your story like regular books. You should write sentences and paragraphs using a point of view instead of writing the name of the person talking. Also, after the colon, you should always leave a space and start the sentence with a capital. Never use two or more exclamation marks in a row, it makes the entire sentence look messy.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -1/5
It didn’t get me hooked on and I didn’t like the way how you wrote the story, sorry.
`Total : -52/100
`Bonus : -0/5
Overall Total: -52/100
Author: Ateh Tootskiez.....A.K
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/heartbroken24/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -3/5
The title seems to be too cliché and too common. The title seems too simple and too plain. Try to find a title with the same meaning, but sounds deeper.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -4/10
The poster doesn’t stand out at all. The pictures look so stiff and looks as if you just splat it on. Try to blend the lines a bit so that all the pictures become one picture instead of several pictures together. You should use different font color, size, and style for your title. It looks too plain and it does not stand out at all. It’s also bad because you decided to stick it right on the character’s face. Try to put it somewhere where it doesn’t block anyone’s face. The poster itself doesn’t seem to connect or look anything like the poster. You should try to make it so the poster and the background match.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -5/10
Your first foreword tells us, the readers, nothing about what the story will be about. All you did put was that there is a poem. For me, the foreword is the first thing I look at when reading a story. If the foreword is blank, messy, or has nothing in it, I won’t continue reading it. I’ll simply go onto another story. The second forward you put only gave us little information on what was coming up. It wasn’t interesting enough to get the readers hooked on.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -8/15.
It’s basically the same plot from BOF. There were many similar occurrences happening.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -7/10
I couldn’t really distinguish how the characters were like. The only one that I sort of had a clue on was probably the main character.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -5/10
Refer to PLOT.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -7/10
Your spelling isn’t bad. But I would suggest using a wider range of vocabulary. I was able to spot a couple grammar mistakes. Some of the tenses that you used were used in the wrong way.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -6/10.
Since the story is not finished, I can’t really say how it will be like. But so far, the flow seems a bit too fast. The meeting of F4, the relationships they start, and the feelings that are building up. Try to take it a bit slower and let them develop their feelings at a better pace.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -6/15
If you’re writing a story, never use SCRIPT-like writing. Leave those for movies and whatnot. For stories, you should write your story like regular books. You should write sentences and paragraphs using a point of view instead of writing the name of the person talking. Also, after the colon, you should always leave a space and start the sentence with a capital. Never use two or more exclamation marks in a row, it makes the entire sentence look messy.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -1/5
It didn’t get me hooked on and I didn’t like the way how you wrote the story, sorry.
`Total : -52/100
`Bonus : -0/5
Overall Total: -52/100
posted by my sensation at
2:14 PM
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