Identity by CarmenEffect

True Identity by CarmenEffect

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/CarmenEffect/

Reviewed by m_girl07 @ mysensation



Story Title: 3/5

-Your title didn’t seem to have anything to do with your story but then I read the note you left and realized what you meant. Although it does make sense but I don’t think it’s that creative, it could be more appealing.


Appearance: 9/10

-Your page is very attractive and organized XD! The poster is pretty and the background colour goes really well with the font colour so it isn’t hard on the eyes.


Forewords: 8/10

-You had a great foreword and was even nice enough to tell everyone that it was your first time writing=p. The only thing I would suggest for next time is to merge everything on Chapter 1 so it’s all in the Foreword.


Plot: 13/15

-Reading what you had initially planned for your story, I thought you had great ideas! You had a lot of conflict to keep your story interesting and readers fascinated!


Characterization: 7/10

-Although the main character is the actually reader, you can still give them characteristics that they’re supposed to be; like an actress in a movie=p. I think with all of them, you needed to develop their characters more because for example, Jaejoong had a change of heart pretty quickly!


Creativity/Originality: 6/10

-Although you had a great plot, the ideas you used have been done before but I like how you were planning to put it all together and your order of things.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10

-You’re spelling isn’t bad=D! You did have mistakes but they didn’t interrupt the story and it wasn’t nothing too noticeable=p. I’ll show you some of them so you know what I mean:

“Good thing you bought the Album with you, if you didn't, who knows when you'll get a chance like this again.” (Chapter 2)

-“Bought” should be “brought” and the “a” in album doesn’t have to be capitalized because there are many of them.

“You giggled. Your dream was interrupted by the teacher with an important announcement.” (Chapter 2)

-You do this a lot with your sentences; you make them with just two words. It’s fine but you do it a little too much. Make sure you only do it once in a while.

“Jaejoong passed you swiftly and in to the building.” (Chapter 3)

-“In to” should be one word in this case

“___________ said it was find and smiled.” (Chapter 4)

-“Find” should be “fine”

“I saw her tripped, and not wanting her to fall, I quickly grabbed on to her.” (Chapter 4)

-“Tripped” doesn’t have to be in past tense, “trip” is good. “On to” is also one word=).

“_____________ and Yunho was walking behind me. I was walk too fast.” (Chapter 5)

-You should reword this sentence to: “________________ and Yunho were walking behind me, I was walking too fast.”

“Not much people was there since it was late.” (Chapter 8)

-“Was” should be “were” because it already happened so it’s past tense


Flow: 7/10

-Your flow was pretty constant but there were times where it seemed like you moved too fast. I know you said that Jaejoong was trapped in that room before and that “I” look like a girl in his past but even so, I don’t think people would change so quickly. Try to progress it a little more next time=).


Writing Style: 11/15

-Everyone has their own writing style and I like yours because it’s fun and light=D! It puts everything in a good mood and makes it enjoyable.


Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

-I really did enjoy reading it, I’m just sad you gave up on it and didn’t continue it=(.


Total: 74/100

Bonus: 5/5

-Because I love DBSK and Jaejoong is <3!


Overall Total: 79/100