If This is Communication, I Disconnect

If This is Communication, I Disconnect
by Ryuko Ishida

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Ryuko_Ishida09/

Reviewed by m_girl07 @ mysensation



Story Title: 3/5

-Your story title is unique and different but it’s a bit long. Most readers want something that either has a nice ring to it or something short and sweet; but that doesn’t mean it should be really cliché=p.


Appearance: 9/10

-Your story is very organized and neat. You have everything in a specific order and the background matches well with your font color.


Forewords: 10/10

-Your foreword was so detailed and in depth! It had a lot of information and warnings for readers and a really long author’s note to make them feel at ease.


Plot : 11/15

-Although you did have conflicts that your characters had to solve, I thought it moved a bit slow and it wasn’t anything that kept me on the edge of my seat. It was quite mellow and didn’t really build suspense.


Characterization:10/10

-You describe them very well and depict them in such detail. Their characteristics do not contradict each other and go well with how they’re portrayed.


Creativity/Originality: 6/10

-Although it’s great that you are taking an original series and creating something from that, the ideas that you used have been done quite a bit before; for example, teammates not getting along. Also, isn’t that just expanding on the original storyline?=p


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

-You have great spelling and grammar! And amazing vocabulary=D! I saw some things that needed to be changed but I thought you wouldn’t want to hear them again because they were already in the previous review=).


Flow: 7/10

-You had good flow but you may want to speed things up in the future. It’s great that you were able to fully describe the surroundings and set the mood but remember that too much isn’t good either; it’ll drag it on that way.


Writing Style: 14/15

-Like I said before, you have great grammar so I really like your writing style but the amount of detail you use in your writing is sometimes a bit too much and it overpowers everything else; it’s good to have a balance of detail and dialogue.


Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

-I like your writing style and everything but it just didn’t capture me as much or intrigue me to keep reading.


Total: 80/100

Bonus: 3/5

You get partial bonus because I personally love Raymond Lam, a lot XD! But this series wasn’t one of my favourites=p. Loved “Moonlight Resonance” though! Don’t be discouraged though, you did a great job!


Overall Total: 83/100