Maid from Foreign Country
Title: Maid from Foreign Country
Author: Heyhelloo
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Heyhelloo/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -2/5
It seems to be a really plain and not eye-catching title. But the word ‘Foreign’ did catch me because most of these stories on the site are mainly made up of Asians, but you used a foreigner in the story, so I thought it was pretty cool.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -6/10
Only the pictures of Big Bang caught my attention. But the poster itself looks a bit too plain. There weren’t a lot of colors to really attract the readers. But I could sense that it was a happy mood with all the bright colors in the poster. Try to use a brighter, bolder font for your title and quote.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -8/10
Your foreword was short but it was simple. I liked it. It got me hooked to continue on with the rest of the story.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -9/15.
I have to say, it is kind of greasy and cheesy. Going to the amusement park as a date is really common in stories. Try to think of something new and unique. Also, friends fighting each other over the same girl, I’ve read about those in lots of other stories.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -8/10
You did great on describing each of the characters. I was really able to tell what type of person they were. But when you were describing their clothing/dresses, try to make it more detail.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -6/10
It wasn’t really creative or original because many of the scenes were kind of common. With the guy getting jealous, the girls beating up the main character, the amusement park date, and others.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -6/10
I found a lot of grammar mistakes in here. For some parts of the story, you kept on placing words that don’t make sense into the sentence. I didn’t understand what you were trying to say. Try to lengthen your choice of vocabulary too.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
The flow was great. The timing of everyone was well paced and it wasn’t too fast or too slow.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -11/15
I would recommend you to not start a new line every time you start a new sentence. Try to bunch a couple of sentences together to form a paragraph.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -5/5
I LIKED YOU STORY!! And I’ll continue to read it until you finish it! It’s really addicting! It also seems like you update really fast too.
`Total : -70/100
`Bonus : -2/5
One for having Big Bang and one for updating so quickly.
Overall Total: -72/100
Author: Heyhelloo
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Heyhelloo/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -2/5
It seems to be a really plain and not eye-catching title. But the word ‘Foreign’ did catch me because most of these stories on the site are mainly made up of Asians, but you used a foreigner in the story, so I thought it was pretty cool.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -6/10
Only the pictures of Big Bang caught my attention. But the poster itself looks a bit too plain. There weren’t a lot of colors to really attract the readers. But I could sense that it was a happy mood with all the bright colors in the poster. Try to use a brighter, bolder font for your title and quote.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -8/10
Your foreword was short but it was simple. I liked it. It got me hooked to continue on with the rest of the story.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -9/15.
I have to say, it is kind of greasy and cheesy. Going to the amusement park as a date is really common in stories. Try to think of something new and unique. Also, friends fighting each other over the same girl, I’ve read about those in lots of other stories.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -8/10
You did great on describing each of the characters. I was really able to tell what type of person they were. But when you were describing their clothing/dresses, try to make it more detail.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -6/10
It wasn’t really creative or original because many of the scenes were kind of common. With the guy getting jealous, the girls beating up the main character, the amusement park date, and others.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -6/10
I found a lot of grammar mistakes in here. For some parts of the story, you kept on placing words that don’t make sense into the sentence. I didn’t understand what you were trying to say. Try to lengthen your choice of vocabulary too.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
The flow was great. The timing of everyone was well paced and it wasn’t too fast or too slow.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -11/15
I would recommend you to not start a new line every time you start a new sentence. Try to bunch a couple of sentences together to form a paragraph.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -5/5
I LIKED YOU STORY!! And I’ll continue to read it until you finish it! It’s really addicting! It also seems like you update really fast too.
`Total : -70/100
`Bonus : -2/5
One for having Big Bang and one for updating so quickly.
Overall Total: -72/100
posted by my sensation at
2:04 AM
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