The Reason I Left <'3
Title: The Reason I Left <'3 [ COMPLETED]
Author: loveweiyu<3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/loveweiyu/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
`Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: 4/5
The title is simple and easy to remember. However, I think that the title is rather typical and common. It can stir up interest in readers as well.
`Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -7.5/10
The background is a little plain. One good thing is that the font colour goes well with the background. The pictures of the characters on the poster seem a little too narrow. Rather neat appearance, I would say, but the mood and atmosphere of the story had not really been attained.
`Foreword [did your foreword make me wanting to read more?]: -5/10
Short and simple foreword, I would comment. However, your foreword lacks many details to allure the readers into reading the fanfic. You did mention the names of the characters, but, you did not provide some background information on them. In addition, your summary of what happened was really brief. I think, at the very least, you should have mentioned what kind of drama they were filming and the reasons to why the girls do not want to work with the guys. Since you mentioned that they accepted to film the drama, not knowing the guys who were taking part in it, it seemed that the girls and guys were at some kind of loggerheads. Another suggestion would be that you could add some sneak previews or snippets of conversations between the characters to stir up more interest in readers.
`Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: -5/15.
Plot is common. This story is like a typical love story. There are little or no twists; the developments are rather predictable. I am sorry to say that I would have stopped reading the fanfic after Chapter 1, but I read through the whole story, since I had to review it. I think that you can try to firstly read more books on your own, and then learn from how the different writers write those romantic novels. You can copy down phrases and words too. I also suggest you to look out and try to use more varying adjectives, adverbs and even synonyms of said. Change your writing style, if you can. Do strive on.
`Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: -5.5/10
I could see characterisation here and there. In addition, I think you have too many characters and that if you wrote the story in script format, it would be even harder to show characterisation. This is so as the tones and actions of the characters were not really detailed and elaborate.
`Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]: -5/10
As I have mentioned above, this story is typical and predictable.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]: -3.5/10
Mistakes are very frequent. Vocabulary needs to be better. I suggest you use Microsoft Word to type your story. It has a software to help you check for errors. Your capitalization is insufficient and you have spelling errors all around. Such English Language errors will deter readers from reading. They will also cause your story to be incoherent. All the errors mentioned below are found in Chapter 1. There are more errors in your following chapters but I am not going to pick all of them out. Use the below examples as reminders for yourself; do be more cautious.
[1] what happend ? – What happened?
[2] why are andy ge doing this? – Why is Andy Ge doing this?
[3] there it's other way to get rid of those stresses.. – There must be other ways to get rid of the pressure.
[4] you're in or not? – Are you in or not?
[5] she quickly took out the smoke and took the rest of the pack and throw it into the trash.. – This sentence has many errors. Firstly, at the beginning of the sentence, the word “she” should be capitalized; thus, it should be “She”. Secondly, there are too many “and”. You should have used comma to separate the first two actions and then use the word “and” to separate the second and third actions. Thirdly, there is the sudden change in tenses. From “took”, you jumped to using present tense, to “throw”. It should have been “threw”. In addition, smoke cannot be taken out. You should said that, “She extinguished the cigarette, grabbed the whole packet of them and threw it into the rubbish bin.”
[6] how did it went? – How did it go? [*Chapter 6]
`Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: -7.5/10.
Flow was alright, but sometimes, I found the developments in your story too fast and a little unrealistic. For instance, when the three girls were caught drunk and the news was published on the newspaper, I thought that the boss should have think for a longer time before allowing them to accept a movie. Such bad publicity will damage artistes’ reputations and directors will normally think twice again before asking them to act.
`Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: -6.5/15
Your writing style is confusing, especially when you have lots of English Language errors. Also, I suggest you to write in paragraphs instead of such script formats. Also, I think you could have added footnotes to indicate what you mean. For example, when you are using “Hao le”, you can bracket the meaning beside it. “Hao le (Alright)”. By doing this, you can ensure that other fans of the characters in the story will fully understand what you are writing about since there are people who are weaker in Chinese.
`Overall Enjoyment [did I enjoy this story?]: -1/5
`Total: -50.5/95
`Bonus: -2/5
[1] For requesting at our site
[2] For using suitable font colour
Overall Total: -52.5/100
Do strive on.
Author: loveweiyu<3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/loveweiyu/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
`Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: 4/5
The title is simple and easy to remember. However, I think that the title is rather typical and common. It can stir up interest in readers as well.
`Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -7.5/10
The background is a little plain. One good thing is that the font colour goes well with the background. The pictures of the characters on the poster seem a little too narrow. Rather neat appearance, I would say, but the mood and atmosphere of the story had not really been attained.
`Foreword [did your foreword make me wanting to read more?]: -5/10
Short and simple foreword, I would comment. However, your foreword lacks many details to allure the readers into reading the fanfic. You did mention the names of the characters, but, you did not provide some background information on them. In addition, your summary of what happened was really brief. I think, at the very least, you should have mentioned what kind of drama they were filming and the reasons to why the girls do not want to work with the guys. Since you mentioned that they accepted to film the drama, not knowing the guys who were taking part in it, it seemed that the girls and guys were at some kind of loggerheads. Another suggestion would be that you could add some sneak previews or snippets of conversations between the characters to stir up more interest in readers.
`Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: -5/15.
Plot is common. This story is like a typical love story. There are little or no twists; the developments are rather predictable. I am sorry to say that I would have stopped reading the fanfic after Chapter 1, but I read through the whole story, since I had to review it. I think that you can try to firstly read more books on your own, and then learn from how the different writers write those romantic novels. You can copy down phrases and words too. I also suggest you to look out and try to use more varying adjectives, adverbs and even synonyms of said. Change your writing style, if you can. Do strive on.
`Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: -5.5/10
I could see characterisation here and there. In addition, I think you have too many characters and that if you wrote the story in script format, it would be even harder to show characterisation. This is so as the tones and actions of the characters were not really detailed and elaborate.
`Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]: -5/10
As I have mentioned above, this story is typical and predictable.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]: -3.5/10
Mistakes are very frequent. Vocabulary needs to be better. I suggest you use Microsoft Word to type your story. It has a software to help you check for errors. Your capitalization is insufficient and you have spelling errors all around. Such English Language errors will deter readers from reading. They will also cause your story to be incoherent. All the errors mentioned below are found in Chapter 1. There are more errors in your following chapters but I am not going to pick all of them out. Use the below examples as reminders for yourself; do be more cautious.
[1] what happend ? – What happened?
[2] why are andy ge doing this? – Why is Andy Ge doing this?
[3] there it's other way to get rid of those stresses.. – There must be other ways to get rid of the pressure.
[4] you're in or not? – Are you in or not?
[5] she quickly took out the smoke and took the rest of the pack and throw it into the trash.. – This sentence has many errors. Firstly, at the beginning of the sentence, the word “she” should be capitalized; thus, it should be “She”. Secondly, there are too many “and”. You should have used comma to separate the first two actions and then use the word “and” to separate the second and third actions. Thirdly, there is the sudden change in tenses. From “took”, you jumped to using present tense, to “throw”. It should have been “threw”. In addition, smoke cannot be taken out. You should said that, “She extinguished the cigarette, grabbed the whole packet of them and threw it into the rubbish bin.”
[6] how did it went? – How did it go? [*Chapter 6]
`Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: -7.5/10.
Flow was alright, but sometimes, I found the developments in your story too fast and a little unrealistic. For instance, when the three girls were caught drunk and the news was published on the newspaper, I thought that the boss should have think for a longer time before allowing them to accept a movie. Such bad publicity will damage artistes’ reputations and directors will normally think twice again before asking them to act.
`Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: -6.5/15
Your writing style is confusing, especially when you have lots of English Language errors. Also, I suggest you to write in paragraphs instead of such script formats. Also, I think you could have added footnotes to indicate what you mean. For example, when you are using “Hao le”, you can bracket the meaning beside it. “Hao le (Alright)”. By doing this, you can ensure that other fans of the characters in the story will fully understand what you are writing about since there are people who are weaker in Chinese.
`Overall Enjoyment [did I enjoy this story?]: -1/5
`Total: -50.5/95
`Bonus: -2/5
[1] For requesting at our site
[2] For using suitable font colour
Overall Total: -52.5/100
Do strive on.
posted by my sensation at
2:13 PM
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