You a[r]e My Slave

Title: You a[r]e My Slave

Author: adeek : )

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/adeek/

Reviewer: jjwyl

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -5/5

Hahaha, to be honest, it did. Because the title sounds really dirty. I guess I’m just a DBSK dirty fan? That sounds really wrong, sorry. But yes, it did capture my attention.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -9/10

I really like the poster and background. The colors were nice and the pictures were nice. Even the letters on the poster were nice.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -7/10

There wasn’t much information about the story in the foreword, and I think you shouldn’t add the Characters list. It made the page look kind of messy.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -13/15.

I wouldn’t really call it cliché, but to me, there were some parts that seemed kind of cheesy.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -7/10

I was able to tell the personalities of Yoochun and Junsu really well because at the beginning I could really tell that Junsu hates Yoochun.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8/10

I would say that at some points, it was quite creative and original, but I guess that’s because I don’t read Yaoi unless I’m reviewing.

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -6/10

You should work on your grammar a bit. And I noticed that in some places, you should have a comma. Also, some of your tenses are used wrong. Also, remember to capitalize the beginning of all sentences.

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -7/10.

I thought the beginning was a bit rushed because Junsu’s feelings seemed to change so quickly. But I can’t really say much about the rest because it’s not finished.

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -12/15

Everything’s good, it’s just that I don’t like how there’s a lot of single sentences. I recommend that you should bunch the sentences together to form a paragraph. It would make the entire thing look a lot neater.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5

Not a Yaoi fan, so didn’t really enjoy it, sorry.

`Total : -76/100

`Bonus : -1/5

Overall Total: -77/100