AURA

AURA by thewisechoice
http://winglin.net/fanfic/thewisechoice/
Reviewed by m_girl07 @ mysensation



Story Title: 4/5

Basing it on the title “AURA”, I think it has a nice ring to it and relates greatly to your story. In a sense, Jaejoong, passed on and his spirit/aura could be felt by Yunho.


Appearance: 9/10

I loved your graphics and the colours that you chose! It created this mellow mood that wasn’t too depressing or too light; like your story=).


Forewords: 7/10

-Your foreword was very captivating and made me want to read more; it was very attractive! But it didn’t have much and I thought you should’ve had an author’s note or something to make it a little more friendly=).


Plot : 13/15

-I loved your plot! It didn’t have anything really too heart-wrenching but it still made it really likable and made you wanted to keep reading=p!


Characterization:7/10

-Readers have a brief idea of what your characters are like but I think you could be clearer as to their characteristics. We know that Jaejoong is a timid, weak and shy person but Yunho is a bit unclear; he doesn’t have anything that really sets him apart or makes him stand out.


Creativity/Originality: 8/10

-There’s that idea of “forbidden love” that is in a lot of other stories whether it’s about gender, class, reputation, etc; but you managed to make it a little more unique by adding the bit about sacrificing their lives for love and telling the story from a different point of view. Good job!


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10

-Your spelling and grammar is pretty good. There were a few mistakes here and there but it mostly has to do with capitalization and things like plurals. I’ll show you what I mean:

" Wow! delicious Jaejoong. Delicious! you are such a great cook!" (Chapter 1)

-Don’t forget to capitalize every time you start a new sentence. A lot of readers while exit because of little grammar things like this.

" My pleasure to serve my Yunho" (Chapter 1)

-You’re using “my” too much and makes it seem repetitive. You should change the first one to “a”.

“Everyone was amazed by their The Weasleys' Flying Ford Anglia and tried to curry their favor to get a ride in it.” (Chapter 4)

-I’ve never seen the word “curry” used like that before but it doesn’t seem to make sense…=p

" I love you in another way, Hero. I cannot control my own passion for you. Passion is burning inside of me. Can you feel it?", Jaejoong continued.” (Chapter 6)

-He calls Yunho Hero even though Jaejoong is the one that’s talking XD!

“In those moments, Jaejoong and Yunho felt their spirit soar and become one with everything that existed.” (Chapter 14)

-Because they’re still separated, there are two spirits, which means it should be plural.


Flow: 8/10

-You had pretty good flow for your story. Jaejoong’s loved Yunho from afar and I think you showed that through your words. There was just two things that didn’t make sense. In chapter four, Yoochun was looking for Jaejoong’s diary to blackmail him for Misa’s number but didn’t he already have it? And she didn’t want to give him the number before but after he publically humiliated his good friend, she did?


Writing Style: 13/15

-Your writing style was able to adjust when it needed to. It was light for the most part but when it got to the serious parts, you were able to make it really emotional so readers could feel what Yunho and Jaejoong were feeling.


Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

-I really enjoyed reading your story and there was a time where I just plowed through ten chapters! It was fun but sad at the same time=(.


Total: 81/100

Bonus: 5/5

Because it’s DBSK and god knows how much I love them XD!


Overall Total: 86/100