Ephemeral
Title: Ephemeral
Author: BoBoLi0us
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Stavolta04/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -4/5
It’s because it’s a word that I don’t understand and has never seen before. That’s why it attracted my eyes. LOL
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -8/10
Great poster, well done. There’s not a lot of writers that can make a great poster, but you write great pieces and have amazing posters. I love how the pictures just seem to blend in with everything else, making it into one. The poster totally describes the story. But it seems that the poster seems to blank. I would have given you another mark if you made the title more in the middle of the picture just so it stands out more. The background seems too plain.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -9/10
Even though it’s just the foreword, it already seems to tell the whole story. It makes me want to know what happens, but there’s a feeling in it that tells me the story will be something that I can already predict.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -12/15.
Typical celebrity love life. I think almost all famous people’s love life is like the same. But it surprised me how you coupled him with someone so much younger.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -8/10
Your descriptions on Jay were great. But I would write more on how the girl feels, mainly her feelings about Jay and how she feels after leaving Jay.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8/10
I don’t really have much to say except that I loved how you brought Jay back to 2PM.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -9/10
I don’t think I saw any spelling or grammar mistakes. But I would recommend you having a wider range of vocabulary.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
I think the beginning was a bit confusing for me. But everything else was on a great pace. I was really able to absorb the scene as I was reading it. Nothing was too fast or too slow.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -14/15
I like your writing style. It makes the story look professional and is easy to read and understand. Though, I tend to like stories with full paragraphs. So, my suggestion would be to bunch a couple sentences together to form paragraphs instead.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -4/5
I was disappointed in the ending.
`Total : -85/100
`Bonus : -2/5
1) Giving your thanks to your readers
2) I’m also a Jay fan who’s waiting for him to go back on the stage one day.
Overall Total: -87/100
Author: BoBoLi0us
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/Stavolta04/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -4/5
It’s because it’s a word that I don’t understand and has never seen before. That’s why it attracted my eyes. LOL
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -8/10
Great poster, well done. There’s not a lot of writers that can make a great poster, but you write great pieces and have amazing posters. I love how the pictures just seem to blend in with everything else, making it into one. The poster totally describes the story. But it seems that the poster seems to blank. I would have given you another mark if you made the title more in the middle of the picture just so it stands out more. The background seems too plain.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -9/10
Even though it’s just the foreword, it already seems to tell the whole story. It makes me want to know what happens, but there’s a feeling in it that tells me the story will be something that I can already predict.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -12/15.
Typical celebrity love life. I think almost all famous people’s love life is like the same. But it surprised me how you coupled him with someone so much younger.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -8/10
Your descriptions on Jay were great. But I would write more on how the girl feels, mainly her feelings about Jay and how she feels after leaving Jay.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8/10
I don’t really have much to say except that I loved how you brought Jay back to 2PM.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -9/10
I don’t think I saw any spelling or grammar mistakes. But I would recommend you having a wider range of vocabulary.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -9/10.
I think the beginning was a bit confusing for me. But everything else was on a great pace. I was really able to absorb the scene as I was reading it. Nothing was too fast or too slow.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -14/15
I like your writing style. It makes the story look professional and is easy to read and understand. Though, I tend to like stories with full paragraphs. So, my suggestion would be to bunch a couple sentences together to form paragraphs instead.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -4/5
I was disappointed in the ending.
`Total : -85/100
`Bonus : -2/5
1) Giving your thanks to your readers
2) I’m also a Jay fan who’s waiting for him to go back on the stage one day.
Overall Total: -87/100
posted by my sensation at
7:53 AM
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