From Zero to Hero
Title: From Zero to Hero
Author: Vi3tjcn
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Vi3tjcn3/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -4/5
Anything with the word Hero would catch my attention because I love Hero, Kim Jaejoong. I’m addicted to him. But the name itself sounds very cliché and cheesy. It sounds like something that came out of a comic book. The title looks lie it would be a comedy genre and I like funny stories, so I think I would click on it.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -4/10
The overall appearance of your story seems very boring. The poster and background are white. For me, I don’t like white backgrounds because it’s too bright and would look really plain. You should request from a site next time, they’ll make you a really great poster. But keep in mind that your poster and background should match with the story itself.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -3.5/10
I’m really sorry to give you such a low mark, but that’s because your foreword doesn’t tell us anything about the story. In order to capture a reader’s attention, you should first have a addicting foreword. If the foreword is boring and dull, the readers would simply move on to another story instead of reading yours, even though the story itself may be awesome. So, remember, you have to add some sort of description/summary of your story. Just make sure you don’t make it too long or too short.
`Plot[was the plot cliché or was it interesting?] : -7/15.
Your plot is kind of cliché with the whole nerd saving the beauty and then they become the beautiful and the beast. But really, your plot didn’t really have a big meaning to it. It as simple as 1,2,3. One, Jaejoong’s a nerd, two, he’s in love with the school’s beauty, and three, he saves her and becomes the hero and her boyfriend. Your plot wasn’t well thought out.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -5.5/10
From your story, I could tell that Jaejoong’s a nerd with a hot body and BoA’s a pretty girl that everyone loves. You didn’t give a more detailed description of those two. You could have described what they wore, how they dressed, or how their hair looks like.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -5.5/10
Your story isn’t very creative or original because the entire thing was so predictable. Of course, everyone would fall in love with the nerd who has a hot body and in lots of stories, the nerd likes the beauty.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -9/10
Great, I only spotted one or two mistakes. Everything else was good.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -3.5/10.
The story’s flow was definitely rushed. I couldn’t feel any feelings being developed from Jaejoong and BoA. In order to understand the story, you have to write the story at a pace that lets readers absorb every detail that you write. But because at one minute you were saying how Jaejoong’s a nerd, the next minute, he was already the hero. You should at least have some time for BoA to slowly get to know him and slowly fall in love with him.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -6.5/15
Your writing style isn’t too bad. But I would recommend you bunching up sentences together to form paragraphs so it would look neater. A very important thing to remember when you’re writing a one-shot is, you cannot have your story too short. Your story was too short, that’s why the excitement doesn’t appear in me. It felt like one straight line down a river. I couldn’t feel any climax rate in your story.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -1/5
`Total : -49.5/100
`Bonus : -2/5
One for having Jaejoong as the main character and one for requesting at our site again.
Overall Total: -51.5/100
I hope you can really improve using this review. Sorry for the low mark, I’m just trying to be honest. =]
Author: Vi3tjcn
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Vi3tjcn3/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -4/5
Anything with the word Hero would catch my attention because I love Hero, Kim Jaejoong. I’m addicted to him. But the name itself sounds very cliché and cheesy. It sounds like something that came out of a comic book. The title looks lie it would be a comedy genre and I like funny stories, so I think I would click on it.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -4/10
The overall appearance of your story seems very boring. The poster and background are white. For me, I don’t like white backgrounds because it’s too bright and would look really plain. You should request from a site next time, they’ll make you a really great poster. But keep in mind that your poster and background should match with the story itself.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -3.5/10
I’m really sorry to give you such a low mark, but that’s because your foreword doesn’t tell us anything about the story. In order to capture a reader’s attention, you should first have a addicting foreword. If the foreword is boring and dull, the readers would simply move on to another story instead of reading yours, even though the story itself may be awesome. So, remember, you have to add some sort of description/summary of your story. Just make sure you don’t make it too long or too short.
`Plot[was the plot cliché or was it interesting?] : -7/15.
Your plot is kind of cliché with the whole nerd saving the beauty and then they become the beautiful and the beast. But really, your plot didn’t really have a big meaning to it. It as simple as 1,2,3. One, Jaejoong’s a nerd, two, he’s in love with the school’s beauty, and three, he saves her and becomes the hero and her boyfriend. Your plot wasn’t well thought out.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -5.5/10
From your story, I could tell that Jaejoong’s a nerd with a hot body and BoA’s a pretty girl that everyone loves. You didn’t give a more detailed description of those two. You could have described what they wore, how they dressed, or how their hair looks like.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -5.5/10
Your story isn’t very creative or original because the entire thing was so predictable. Of course, everyone would fall in love with the nerd who has a hot body and in lots of stories, the nerd likes the beauty.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -9/10
Great, I only spotted one or two mistakes. Everything else was good.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -3.5/10.
The story’s flow was definitely rushed. I couldn’t feel any feelings being developed from Jaejoong and BoA. In order to understand the story, you have to write the story at a pace that lets readers absorb every detail that you write. But because at one minute you were saying how Jaejoong’s a nerd, the next minute, he was already the hero. You should at least have some time for BoA to slowly get to know him and slowly fall in love with him.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -6.5/15
Your writing style isn’t too bad. But I would recommend you bunching up sentences together to form paragraphs so it would look neater. A very important thing to remember when you’re writing a one-shot is, you cannot have your story too short. Your story was too short, that’s why the excitement doesn’t appear in me. It felt like one straight line down a river. I couldn’t feel any climax rate in your story.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -1/5
`Total : -49.5/100
`Bonus : -2/5
One for having Jaejoong as the main character and one for requesting at our site again.
Overall Total: -51.5/100
I hope you can really improve using this review. Sorry for the low mark, I’m just trying to be honest. =]
posted by my sensation at
9:35 PM
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