Only You
Title: Only You
Author: seungri-x3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/seungrix3/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -2.5/5
The title seems to be very cliché-like but the thing that attracted my eye was the little heart beside it. I tend to get attracted to titles with little symbols beside them. Too much would be annoying, but one or two would look good.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -7.5/10
I really like the poster, a lot. The colors on the poster really stand out and capture the reader’s attention. It gives me a happy and peaceful feeling and the title stands out, which is good. The thing I don’t like is the colors of the background, writing, and the titles. They don’t match together very well, so I would probably try to make them all match. The background seems a bit plain too.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -3/10
You don’t have any information about the story in your foreword other then the list of the characters. You could have added information about each character and you should have added a paragraph or two about what the story is about. That way, you can capture the reader’s attention so they would continue on with the rest of the story, because if a story has a great foreword, I would definitely continue reading it. But if the foreword is blank or not exciting enough, I would skip right to the next story.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -7/15.
It didn’t seem like you plan the story very well. It felt like you jumped too fast and a lot of the things were overused. For example, how a idol star falls in love with a fan. You also made a mistake because I don’t remember Seungri getting DongRa’s phone number. All of a suddenly Seungri just asks her to go over to his house to have dinner.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -6/10
I couldn’t really tell what type of person they were. It felt like one moment they were manly, and the next moment they were all cute. You should add some of their info on the foreword.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -6/10
The story wasn’t as creative as I thought it would be. A lot of things you wrote about were really common in other stories or dramas I’ve seen.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -5/10
I spotted a lot of grammar mistakes in your story. You should read each chapter before submitting it. Here are a few examples of which you had mistakes on:
In the first chapter, I spotted a mistake right away. You wrote, "It's Yuri, wanna go pools today?" It should have been, “It’s Yuri, do you want to go to the pool today?”
Also in chapter one, you wrote, “He seemed very scary and he is VERY tall.” You used the wrong tense. It should have been “He seemed very scary and he WAS very tall.” Stick to one tense. Don’t use a past tense and then suddenly use a present tense. It would confuse the readers.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -4.5/10.
Your story was quite rushed and lots of events in your story passed by so fast. For example, in the first chapter how they all went to the pool to swim. They didn’t even swim at all and then they just went home. Also, when the mother told DongRa that they were moving, everything just seemed to be moving so fast. The confession, the packing, and the saying goodbye to friends.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -8.5/15
I don’t really like your writing style because when DongRa talks to her mother, it seems VERY formal. So formal that it seems like she’s talking to her grandma. Also, your sentences seem to be really short. Try to bunch a couple sentences together to form paragraphs instead.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -1/5
`Total : -51/100
`Bonus : -1/5
For having Big Bang in the story.
Overall Total: -52/100
Author: seungri-x3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/seungrix3/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -2.5/5
The title seems to be very cliché-like but the thing that attracted my eye was the little heart beside it. I tend to get attracted to titles with little symbols beside them. Too much would be annoying, but one or two would look good.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -7.5/10
I really like the poster, a lot. The colors on the poster really stand out and capture the reader’s attention. It gives me a happy and peaceful feeling and the title stands out, which is good. The thing I don’t like is the colors of the background, writing, and the titles. They don’t match together very well, so I would probably try to make them all match. The background seems a bit plain too.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -3/10
You don’t have any information about the story in your foreword other then the list of the characters. You could have added information about each character and you should have added a paragraph or two about what the story is about. That way, you can capture the reader’s attention so they would continue on with the rest of the story, because if a story has a great foreword, I would definitely continue reading it. But if the foreword is blank or not exciting enough, I would skip right to the next story.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -7/15.
It didn’t seem like you plan the story very well. It felt like you jumped too fast and a lot of the things were overused. For example, how a idol star falls in love with a fan. You also made a mistake because I don’t remember Seungri getting DongRa’s phone number. All of a suddenly Seungri just asks her to go over to his house to have dinner.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -6/10
I couldn’t really tell what type of person they were. It felt like one moment they were manly, and the next moment they were all cute. You should add some of their info on the foreword.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -6/10
The story wasn’t as creative as I thought it would be. A lot of things you wrote about were really common in other stories or dramas I’ve seen.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -5/10
I spotted a lot of grammar mistakes in your story. You should read each chapter before submitting it. Here are a few examples of which you had mistakes on:
In the first chapter, I spotted a mistake right away. You wrote, "It's Yuri, wanna go pools today?" It should have been, “It’s Yuri, do you want to go to the pool today?”
Also in chapter one, you wrote, “He seemed very scary and he is VERY tall.” You used the wrong tense. It should have been “He seemed very scary and he WAS very tall.” Stick to one tense. Don’t use a past tense and then suddenly use a present tense. It would confuse the readers.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -4.5/10.
Your story was quite rushed and lots of events in your story passed by so fast. For example, in the first chapter how they all went to the pool to swim. They didn’t even swim at all and then they just went home. Also, when the mother told DongRa that they were moving, everything just seemed to be moving so fast. The confession, the packing, and the saying goodbye to friends.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -8.5/15
I don’t really like your writing style because when DongRa talks to her mother, it seems VERY formal. So formal that it seems like she’s talking to her grandma. Also, your sentences seem to be really short. Try to bunch a couple sentences together to form paragraphs instead.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -1/5
`Total : -51/100
`Bonus : -1/5
For having Big Bang in the story.
Overall Total: -52/100
posted by my sensation at
9:28 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home