Always Here
Fanfic Title: Always Here [Completed]
Author: xeong
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
Site: http://mysensationsite.blogspot.com/
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -3/5
Your title was of approriate length but it is not that striking and attractive. These two words have been rather overused and hence become very typical.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -/10
I took out this aspect since there was no poster and only a plain background. However, I would like to comment that the font colour was alright since when I read, my eyes do not ache. Your total score will be upon 90.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -9/10
Your foreword consisted of almost everything that I was looking for. There was the basic list of characters and their background information. There was also a short summary and a quote. However, I would love it more if you added some sneak previews or teasers. Your foreword was rather short. It was not really that enthralling but it was complete.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -6.5/15
The plot was rather cliche in my opinion. However, you did try to end it differently, with an ending which was not that fixed. You did not mention further what happened between Aaron and Rainie and readers could imagine for themselves.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -4/10
I am sorry to say that you had poor characterisation. The personalities of the characters were not really portrayed effectively and brilliantly. This could be due to the pace and length of your story. You had set a brief storyline but you did not add details and descriptions to further enhance your story. You could have added more sophiscated speech verbs such as “wailed”, “groaned”, “growled” and “snapped”. These verbs carry more emotions than the ordinary “said” and “cried” since even for crying, there are several degrees, from “whimpering” to “bawling”.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -5.5/10
Same comment as plot since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 6/10
Vocabulary surely could be built up further. You showed a lack of care since there were many abrupt changes in tenses and also typo errors. You should proofread more often. Note that past tense should be used consistently. Examples of errors include:
[1] he blurts out. (Chapter 1) – Note that past tense should be used consistently. Therefore, it should be “blurted”.
[2] It has been a week since the engagment was cancelled. (Chapter 1) – Once again, please note the tenses. Also, there is a spelling error. It should be “engagement”. You missed out an ‘e’. It should also be “It had…” and not “It has…”
[3] Chun said as he patted his friends back. (Chapter 1) – You forgot to put a strophe. It should be “friend’s” and not “friends”.
[4] Monthes have passed and still, he couldn't find the strength to forgive himself. (Chapter 1) – Spelling error or maybe typo error. It should be “Months had passed…” You added an extra ‘e’ to the word “month”. Note your tenses again.
[5] That is vecause he didn't know how to forgive himself. (Chapter 2) – Typo error. It should be “because”. Do try to remind yourself that you are supposed to use past tense. It should be “That was…”
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -4/10
Flow was too fast throughout the story. Though the flow of events was clear, everything happened briefly and quickly. You did not add much details and descriptions to your story. Therefore, your story was rather bland and plain. You could do better if you tried to write their actions in a more detailed manners. Maybe you could try to write about their facial expressions and gestures. The tones which they spoke in could be mentioned too. Do strive on. Settings could also be described. You could write longer. Do not limit yourself to short chapters!
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -12/15
Your writing style was understandable and simple. However, being too simple meant that you were not skilful and impressive. Therefore, do work harder. Look at my comments under the other sections. I had left bits of advice here and there. One thing you could start off is by being more meticulous in your work. Try harder! Don’t give up!
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
`Total : -52/90
`Bonus : -5/5
I really tried to be not as cruel. :p However, you defintely can do better if you could just try harder. I can see your efforts in trying to come up with a creative and original story. If you really would love to write sweet fantasy-romance stories, maybe you could try reading Terry Goodkind’s Phantom, Cliff McNish’s Angels and Lurlene McDaniel’s Journey of Hope.
Overall Total: -57/90
Author: xeong
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
Site: http://mysensationsite.blogspot.com/
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -3/5
Your title was of approriate length but it is not that striking and attractive. These two words have been rather overused and hence become very typical.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -/10
I took out this aspect since there was no poster and only a plain background. However, I would like to comment that the font colour was alright since when I read, my eyes do not ache. Your total score will be upon 90.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -9/10
Your foreword consisted of almost everything that I was looking for. There was the basic list of characters and their background information. There was also a short summary and a quote. However, I would love it more if you added some sneak previews or teasers. Your foreword was rather short. It was not really that enthralling but it was complete.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -6.5/15
The plot was rather cliche in my opinion. However, you did try to end it differently, with an ending which was not that fixed. You did not mention further what happened between Aaron and Rainie and readers could imagine for themselves.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -4/10
I am sorry to say that you had poor characterisation. The personalities of the characters were not really portrayed effectively and brilliantly. This could be due to the pace and length of your story. You had set a brief storyline but you did not add details and descriptions to further enhance your story. You could have added more sophiscated speech verbs such as “wailed”, “groaned”, “growled” and “snapped”. These verbs carry more emotions than the ordinary “said” and “cried” since even for crying, there are several degrees, from “whimpering” to “bawling”.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -5.5/10
Same comment as plot since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 6/10
Vocabulary surely could be built up further. You showed a lack of care since there were many abrupt changes in tenses and also typo errors. You should proofread more often. Note that past tense should be used consistently. Examples of errors include:
[1] he blurts out. (Chapter 1) – Note that past tense should be used consistently. Therefore, it should be “blurted”.
[2] It has been a week since the engagment was cancelled. (Chapter 1) – Once again, please note the tenses. Also, there is a spelling error. It should be “engagement”. You missed out an ‘e’. It should also be “It had…” and not “It has…”
[3] Chun said as he patted his friends back. (Chapter 1) – You forgot to put a strophe. It should be “friend’s” and not “friends”.
[4] Monthes have passed and still, he couldn't find the strength to forgive himself. (Chapter 1) – Spelling error or maybe typo error. It should be “Months had passed…” You added an extra ‘e’ to the word “month”. Note your tenses again.
[5] That is vecause he didn't know how to forgive himself. (Chapter 2) – Typo error. It should be “because”. Do try to remind yourself that you are supposed to use past tense. It should be “That was…”
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -4/10
Flow was too fast throughout the story. Though the flow of events was clear, everything happened briefly and quickly. You did not add much details and descriptions to your story. Therefore, your story was rather bland and plain. You could do better if you tried to write their actions in a more detailed manners. Maybe you could try to write about their facial expressions and gestures. The tones which they spoke in could be mentioned too. Do strive on. Settings could also be described. You could write longer. Do not limit yourself to short chapters!
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -12/15
Your writing style was understandable and simple. However, being too simple meant that you were not skilful and impressive. Therefore, do work harder. Look at my comments under the other sections. I had left bits of advice here and there. One thing you could start off is by being more meticulous in your work. Try harder! Don’t give up!
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
`Total : -52/90
`Bonus : -5/5
I really tried to be not as cruel. :p However, you defintely can do better if you could just try harder. I can see your efforts in trying to come up with a creative and original story. If you really would love to write sweet fantasy-romance stories, maybe you could try reading Terry Goodkind’s Phantom, Cliff McNish’s Angels and Lurlene McDaniel’s Journey of Hope.
Overall Total: -57/90
posted by my sensation at
6:31 PM
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