fate

Title: fate
Author: jiejie

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jiejie/

Reviewer: jjwyl



`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -2/5
Your title is a very common and plain title. The word itself has been used in lots of stories on Winglin. For titles, you should capitalize the first letter of the word, so it looks professional and neat.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -4.5/10
The poster and background are too pink and girly for my taste. The poster looks really messy and rigid. I prefer posters that look soft and are not as pink as yours. The story itself doesn’t seem to be as happy and as girly as the poster. The entire page is too pink. Don’t have your words in the same color as your background, it really makes the reader’s eyes hurt.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -5/10
Your foreword was kind of confusing and was not very well done. Try not to write in all capitals because it really makes it hard on the eyes and does not look professionally done. Also, you have to make sure that you capitalize all those letters in your foreword. Forewords are very important in a person’s interest in the story. If the foreword doesn’t look good or doesn’t sound interesting, the readers automatically switch to another story.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -8/15.
This story’s ending was predictable. Actually, throughout the entire story, I felt like everything was a bit common and I felt like I saw a lot of the same plot on other stories.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -5/10
There are way too many characters in your story. Either shorten down the list or put more details for each characters. You should also try to add some information on the foreword page.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -7/10
Not much creativity in this story. There were a lot of things quite predictable.

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -6.5/10
I spotted quite a few mistakes, especially the grammar mistakes. Your punctuality was used differently and your tenses were switching from present to past. I would also recommend using a wider range of vocabulary.

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -6.5/10.
The meeting of all the characters were a bit rushed and I sensed that the feelings developing were a bit rushed. You should take it a notch down. Try not to make their feelings develop too fast, it takes away the fun. In the end, I didn’t like how you made it as ‘7 years later’. I feel like 7 years is a lot of time, by that time, a lot of things could have happened and their feelings for each other could have died down.

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -7/15
I don’t like stories that is written in a ‘play’ like script. You should make it like an actual book with paragraphs. But if you don’t want to write in paragraphs, at least write in sentences with spaces between them so it doesn’t look so cramped together.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -1/5



`Total : -52.5/100

`Bonus : -1/5

Overall Total: -53.5/100