Things Chansung Hates
Title: Things Chansung Hates
Author: jtoasn
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/tch/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -2/5
To be honest, I’m a fan of 2PM because I like their songs and dancing skills, but I’m not such a fan of reading stories that have members I’m not so into, so the title you have wouldn’t really catch my attention. But because it has the word Completed in it, I would take a look and see the foreword. I found the title to be too shallow, but it was able to really tell us the things Chansung hated, the words Jae said.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -8/10
Your poster and background were definitely telling us the mood and tone of the story. I could tell from the poster that the story is a depressing and sad story. The picture of Chansung in the poster really described how he felt at the end of the story. The background could be a bit better because I thought it was too plain.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -5/10
Your foreword section didn’t have any information on the story. All it said was that you were going to include the things they hate. You should have added more detail on the members and on the story, just so you could hook the reader’s attention.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -13.5/15.
I really liked how you were able to write Chansung as a person who hated the smell of Jaebeom and hated Jaebeom himself, but you were able to make him like Jaebeom in the end, using the same idea of the smell and the shirt.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -7/10
Since your story was so short, I couldn’t really absorb the character’s traits. I couldn’t really tell what else Jaebeom was other than a person who was a great leader and a person who made a silly comment. I understood Chansung’s hurt at the end of the story from Jaebeom’s departure.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8.5/10
Just like how I said in the plot, I thought you were creative in using Jaebeom’s smell in this story to make Chansung hate Jaebeom and then to like him using the same method.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -9/10
I didn’t spot any spelling and grammar mistakes in your story, but it might also be because it was so short. The only thing I would recommend would be to have a wider range of vocabulary.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -8/10.
I felt that Chansung’s feelings towards Jaebeom was a bit rushed. It was like one second Chansung hates Jaebeom, and then the next second, he likes him and wished he wouldn’t leave. Jaebeom’s departure was rushed and it didn’t seem like he got enough time to make us fully feel his sadness.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -9/15
I think your story is a bit too short and doesn’t have enough details in it. Also, there are a lot of single sentences in your story. It would probably be better to have a couple sentences together to form a paragraph so the page looks fuller and less airy and more professional.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
Too short for me.
`Total : -79/100
`Bonus : -1/5
For Jaebeom!
Overall Total: -80/100
Author: jtoasn
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/tch/
Reviewer: jjwyl
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -2/5
To be honest, I’m a fan of 2PM because I like their songs and dancing skills, but I’m not such a fan of reading stories that have members I’m not so into, so the title you have wouldn’t really catch my attention. But because it has the word Completed in it, I would take a look and see the foreword. I found the title to be too shallow, but it was able to really tell us the things Chansung hated, the words Jae said.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -8/10
Your poster and background were definitely telling us the mood and tone of the story. I could tell from the poster that the story is a depressing and sad story. The picture of Chansung in the poster really described how he felt at the end of the story. The background could be a bit better because I thought it was too plain.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -5/10
Your foreword section didn’t have any information on the story. All it said was that you were going to include the things they hate. You should have added more detail on the members and on the story, just so you could hook the reader’s attention.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -13.5/15.
I really liked how you were able to write Chansung as a person who hated the smell of Jaebeom and hated Jaebeom himself, but you were able to make him like Jaebeom in the end, using the same idea of the smell and the shirt.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -7/10
Since your story was so short, I couldn’t really absorb the character’s traits. I couldn’t really tell what else Jaebeom was other than a person who was a great leader and a person who made a silly comment. I understood Chansung’s hurt at the end of the story from Jaebeom’s departure.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -8.5/10
Just like how I said in the plot, I thought you were creative in using Jaebeom’s smell in this story to make Chansung hate Jaebeom and then to like him using the same method.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -9/10
I didn’t spot any spelling and grammar mistakes in your story, but it might also be because it was so short. The only thing I would recommend would be to have a wider range of vocabulary.
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -8/10.
I felt that Chansung’s feelings towards Jaebeom was a bit rushed. It was like one second Chansung hates Jaebeom, and then the next second, he likes him and wished he wouldn’t leave. Jaebeom’s departure was rushed and it didn’t seem like he got enough time to make us fully feel his sadness.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -9/15
I think your story is a bit too short and doesn’t have enough details in it. Also, there are a lot of single sentences in your story. It would probably be better to have a couple sentences together to form a paragraph so the page looks fuller and less airy and more professional.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2/5
Too short for me.
`Total : -79/100
`Bonus : -1/5
For Jaebeom!
Overall Total: -80/100
posted by my sensation at
12:22 AM
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