Afraid…

Story: Afraid…
Author: Ber
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BER02/
Reviewer: THE_AnGeL @ My Sensation



Note; I have nothing against the author. I’m just here to help her improve her writing skills.



Story Title : 3/5

I thought your title really suited your story a lot but it told too much information about your story. Next time try and come up with a more suspenseful title.


`Appearance: 7/10

Your poster was really awesome but try to make Sunny more desperate and sad. The contrast between the background and writing was great. I didn’t have to highlight it or anything.


`Forewords: 7/10

Your forewords exposed too much information on the story. The forewords were also too short. You could’ve made something like:

‘Then one day Taecyeon's brother came back and to find an unbelievable fact….’


`Plot: 14/15

The plot was really awesome and I think I’ve never read a fanfic like this before. XD


`Characterization : 7/10

I didn’t learn too much about the characters but I know there basic personality etc.


`Creativity/Originality : 9/10

Very original and unique story-line.


`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 7/10

I found some minor errors in the chapters:



Error: I grabbed a towel and cover her with it.

Correction: I grabbed a tower and covered her with it



Error: Sunny give me a couple of coffee

Correction: Sunny give me a cup of coffee



Other mistakes you have to edit yourself. ><


`Flow: 9/10
The flow was good because it feels like you started in the middle of the story. This technique is really enjoyable for readers.



`Writing Style: 10/15

I didn’t like how you didn’t use POV’s. It makes readers’ really confused.

E.g.

Your Version: +Sunny’s Mind; Please turn around+

My Version:



Sunny’s POV



Please Turn around


`Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

I really loved your fan fiction!


`Total :77/100

`Bonus : 3/5

To get you to 80><

Overall Total: 80/100



Great job Ber!!! Looking forward to your future fanfics!