Does Love Always Hurt?
Fanfic Title: Does Love Always Hurt?
Author: saranghaeyo
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
Site: http://mysensationsite.blogspot.com/
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -3/5
I judeged this based on your new title. Using a question as a title is a good idea, as the title itself will start to probe the readers. However, this question has been rather overused in dramas. Thus, it was considered common.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -6.5/10
The overall appearance of your story was not too bad. The font colour suited the background and thus reading was easy. However, I found the pictures used in the picture too plain and rather spaced out. The whole poster was like empty and not very organised. I am glad that the poster and background were different images. However, the mood of the story has not been attained with the appearance. There is always room for improvement.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -6.5/10
Firstly, your foreword was too short. Secondly, I thought that the details you provivded in the foreword were not that appealing. No doubt, you had provided a basic character list with some background information and a simple introduction. Your introduction was not really interesting since that scene is like one of those typical scenes in dramas nowadays. You could have included more significant quotes or previews in the foreword. About the characters, you could have provided some simple adjectives to allow the readers to imagine how the characters would behave in the story. You could have added some simple information about the minors as well.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -9/15
The overall plot was quite cliche. You did include some of your own ideas and little twists here and there, However, most of the scenes were overused in dramas. Do strive on. I am glad that the appearances of the many characters (eg, Jae Bum) helped liven up the story.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -5.5/10
Characterisation was not very well done but you did include some brief adjectives here and there. Allowing readers to grasp understanding of the characters’ superficial personalities. You could have done better if you included more detailed interactions and more of their reactions and facial expressions. Do strive on. You need to learn to place emphasis on some of their distinctive personalities. I am glad that you showed Yoo Chun’s different sides.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -6.5/10
Same comment as plot, since an author’s plot will reveal his or her creativity and originality.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -4/10
Vocabulary used was simple. You surely could have done better. Do try to search for more vivid verbs and phrases to aid you in descriptions of appearances and others. Instead of a mere “cute” or “pretty”, attempt to describe the person’s facial features in further details, such as having big brown watery eyes and pink thin lips. Grammar was not very well done since the usage of tenses was very inconsistent. I advice you to use past tense consistently. In addition, please do use more ocnnectors or punctuation to space out your ideas more clearly. Examples of errors include:
[1] I guess I'm really happy to have met you to have loved you. (Chapter 1) – Your sentence sounded incoherent. I think you left out the connector “and” which should be placed between “you” and “to”.
[2] such a pain in the but! (Chapter 1) – I assume this is a typo. It should be “butt”.
[3] I went and sat down next to Ji Yong, he looks so handsome. (Chapter 3) – There was a sudden change in tenses. I suggest that you should use past tense consistently. You should used “looked” instead of “look”.
[4] I did I asked him if he'll be my friend! (Chapter 3) – Once again, your sentence sounded incoherent. I realised you like to lump your words together, with no proper connectors or punctuation. You could have separated this into two sentences. “I did. I asked him if he would be my friend.” Please also note that you are supposed to use past tense consistently.
[5] What did I do he was the one flirting with me not me with him arghhhhh what did I get myself into?! (Chapter 3) – Your words were all lumped together again. You should space out your ideas so that your story will be clearer and more direct. “What did I do? He was the one flirting with me, not me with him! Argh! What did I get myself into?”
[6] "Boa hun I missed you talk to me." (Chapter 4) – Please try to put in a connector or two. Or, you can add some commas or full-stops. “Boa hun, I missed you! Talk to me.”
[7] I sat up thanked her. (Chapter 8) – “I sat up and thanked her.”
[8] I knew it well Im happy for sunny unni and oppa. (Chapter 9) – I would really advie you to separate the parts of your sentences. “I knew it well. I was happy for Sunny Unni and Hyun Joong Oppa.”
[9] Hyunjoong hyung let me in and well I was impaitient." (Chapter 26) – There is a spelling error. It should be “impatient”. Myabe this is a typo error. Please do proofread more.
[Note to Author: I did not include many errors since your errors made are all of the similar type. Do take caution of your own writing and work harder!]
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -5.5/10
The flow of your story was inconsistent. You seemed to speed through things and then slowed down whenever you liked. For example, I felt that the love affairs of the characters happened rather swiftly. The lengths of your chapters were not consistent too. Thus, this would contribute to the pace of yout story being messed up. The development of events was alright though. However, you could have taken more time to describe more.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -5/15
There is a lot of romm for improvement in this aspect. Please do firstly try to space out your ideas porperly so that your story will be easy to be comprehended. In addition, there are many changes in points of views throughout the story but you did not specify them clearly. Thus, your story was rather ocnfusing due to your writing style. Do try to add in more descriptions and details to enhance the imagery of your story. Your paragraphing was messy too. You could have written each and every point of view as a long paragraph. Or rather you could try to keep to one sentence being one paragraph as a start. Do strive on.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2.5/5
`Total : -54/100
`Bonus : -5/5
I am a fan of BIG BANG! =]
Overall Total: -59/100
Author: saranghaeyo
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
Site: http://mysensationsite.blogspot.com/
`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : -3/5
I judeged this based on your new title. Using a question as a title is a good idea, as the title itself will start to probe the readers. However, this question has been rather overused in dramas. Thus, it was considered common.
`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -6.5/10
The overall appearance of your story was not too bad. The font colour suited the background and thus reading was easy. However, I found the pictures used in the picture too plain and rather spaced out. The whole poster was like empty and not very organised. I am glad that the poster and background were different images. However, the mood of the story has not been attained with the appearance. There is always room for improvement.
`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : -6.5/10
Firstly, your foreword was too short. Secondly, I thought that the details you provivded in the foreword were not that appealing. No doubt, you had provided a basic character list with some background information and a simple introduction. Your introduction was not really interesting since that scene is like one of those typical scenes in dramas nowadays. You could have included more significant quotes or previews in the foreword. About the characters, you could have provided some simple adjectives to allow the readers to imagine how the characters would behave in the story. You could have added some simple information about the minors as well.
`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : -9/15
The overall plot was quite cliche. You did include some of your own ideas and little twists here and there, However, most of the scenes were overused in dramas. Do strive on. I am glad that the appearances of the many characters (eg, Jae Bum) helped liven up the story.
`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : -5.5/10
Characterisation was not very well done but you did include some brief adjectives here and there. Allowing readers to grasp understanding of the characters’ superficial personalities. You could have done better if you included more detailed interactions and more of their reactions and facial expressions. Do strive on. You need to learn to place emphasis on some of their distinctive personalities. I am glad that you showed Yoo Chun’s different sides.
`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : -6.5/10
Same comment as plot, since an author’s plot will reveal his or her creativity and originality.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : -4/10
Vocabulary used was simple. You surely could have done better. Do try to search for more vivid verbs and phrases to aid you in descriptions of appearances and others. Instead of a mere “cute” or “pretty”, attempt to describe the person’s facial features in further details, such as having big brown watery eyes and pink thin lips. Grammar was not very well done since the usage of tenses was very inconsistent. I advice you to use past tense consistently. In addition, please do use more ocnnectors or punctuation to space out your ideas more clearly. Examples of errors include:
[1] I guess I'm really happy to have met you to have loved you. (Chapter 1) – Your sentence sounded incoherent. I think you left out the connector “and” which should be placed between “you” and “to”.
[2] such a pain in the but! (Chapter 1) – I assume this is a typo. It should be “butt”.
[3] I went and sat down next to Ji Yong, he looks so handsome. (Chapter 3) – There was a sudden change in tenses. I suggest that you should use past tense consistently. You should used “looked” instead of “look”.
[4] I did I asked him if he'll be my friend! (Chapter 3) – Once again, your sentence sounded incoherent. I realised you like to lump your words together, with no proper connectors or punctuation. You could have separated this into two sentences. “I did. I asked him if he would be my friend.” Please also note that you are supposed to use past tense consistently.
[5] What did I do he was the one flirting with me not me with him arghhhhh what did I get myself into?! (Chapter 3) – Your words were all lumped together again. You should space out your ideas so that your story will be clearer and more direct. “What did I do? He was the one flirting with me, not me with him! Argh! What did I get myself into?”
[6] "Boa hun I missed you talk to me." (Chapter 4) – Please try to put in a connector or two. Or, you can add some commas or full-stops. “Boa hun, I missed you! Talk to me.”
[7] I sat up thanked her. (Chapter 8) – “I sat up and thanked her.”
[8] I knew it well Im happy for sunny unni and oppa. (Chapter 9) – I would really advie you to separate the parts of your sentences. “I knew it well. I was happy for Sunny Unni and Hyun Joong Oppa.”
[9] Hyunjoong hyung let me in and well I was impaitient." (Chapter 26) – There is a spelling error. It should be “impatient”. Myabe this is a typo error. Please do proofread more.
[Note to Author: I did not include many errors since your errors made are all of the similar type. Do take caution of your own writing and work harder!]
`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : -5.5/10
The flow of your story was inconsistent. You seemed to speed through things and then slowed down whenever you liked. For example, I felt that the love affairs of the characters happened rather swiftly. The lengths of your chapters were not consistent too. Thus, this would contribute to the pace of yout story being messed up. The development of events was alright though. However, you could have taken more time to describe more.
`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : -5/15
There is a lot of romm for improvement in this aspect. Please do firstly try to space out your ideas porperly so that your story will be easy to be comprehended. In addition, there are many changes in points of views throughout the story but you did not specify them clearly. Thus, your story was rather ocnfusing due to your writing style. Do try to add in more descriptions and details to enhance the imagery of your story. Your paragraphing was messy too. You could have written each and every point of view as a long paragraph. Or rather you could try to keep to one sentence being one paragraph as a start. Do strive on.
`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : -2.5/5
`Total : -54/100
`Bonus : -5/5
I am a fan of BIG BANG! =]
Overall Total: -59/100
posted by my sensation at
10:16 PM
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