Painful Truth

Title: Painful Truth
Author: Twirlpop
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Twirlpop01/
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ My Sensation

Story Title: 4/5
The title is common which pulled your mark off one point. It was related to story, simple, isn’t too eye catching and like I said, too common. It would be better if you had made the title more creative.

Appearance: 5/10
Yes, you are new to Photoshop but I really think you can do better than that. The poster is too plain, it needed more effects and the blending wasn’t done nicely. I know I shouldn’t be judging it but I really can’t help it. The background was a colour but was well chosen, it didn’t interfere with the text which was fine.

Forewords: 4/10
The forewords were done badly; you only had added the title, author, genre, and things such as those. Where was the plot/summary? Where was the character description? In the author’s note, you wrote that you weren’t new to this so I really thought you should’ve written a proper foreword to begin with because it gives the readers the a first impression of your story and what will be happening to make the readers curious and to read on. Unfortunately, you did not do any of those and that is why your score is so low.

Plot: 13/15
The plot is rather common, but more used into girlxboy type of stories. You changed a few parts like where Yesung found the truth at the beginning, usually, what I’ve read doesn’t tell the truth usually til the end or sometimes don’t even real the ‘truth’ at all.

Characterization: 9/10
Overall, the details was fine but if you were to add more information; that’ll would be better but everything was described and I could understand what you were getting there.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10
It wasn’t too original or creative. Nothing was created out of the blue which I really wished for because it would have made your story more interesting.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9.5/10
You had no spelling mistakes or grammar that I found spot, but you had a few problems with your sentence structure such as past tense. You had written present instead of past tense which made the sentence strange to read because it didn’t make much sense.

I thought he was the perfect man I would spend the rest of my life with but he just proved me wrong. He broke up with me. He turned his back and left me.

Correction – I thought he was the perfect man that I could spend the rest of my life with but he just proved me wrong. He broke up with me, turned his back and left me.

“I’ve been so cruel to leave you just like that. I thought if I break up with you, you would, at least, forget about me so when I die, it’ll be easier for you to move on.”

Correction – “I’ve been so cruel to leave you just like that. I thought if I broke up with you, you would at least forget about me so when I die, it’ll be easier for you to move on.”

A few days had passed and he isn’t getting any better. He got weaker but he’s still fighting. I know, his time is already coming and I’m still not prepared for it.

Correction – A few days had passed and he wasn’t getting any better. He got weaker but he was still fighting. I knew that his time was already coming but I was still not prepared for it.

Flow : 9.5/10
Everything flowed so well, until right at the end where things got a bit fast. The ending could’ve had more information; like on how Yesung reacted when Ryeowook had left the world, but other than that, everything was good.

Writing Style: 15/15
I loved the way your set everything out. It’s like one of my most favourite writing style because for me, it’s simple, easy to read, not messy and understandable. No problem for me. But at times, I recommend you re-read/check or even ask a friend to check it for you.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

Total : 80/100
Don’t be let down by my score, I’m a strict reviewer. Good luck on your fanfics!